Thursday, December 30, 2010

2010: Learning From What's Happened...

Well... This isn't your usual look-back to the year that you usually read in the newspaper columns... This one's different, pretty different, because here, I want to emphasize on those 12 events of the year, which left an effect on me. Drastic one too, probably. Those events from which I learned, from which I changed, from which, the world learned, from which, the world changed.

On to it then...

January, 2010
Haiti, 2010

It was a usual evening in Haiti, and one of the worst earthquakes of human history hit this small nation of the Caribbean Islands. Most of us out here in India, don't even know where it is (confession: even I didn't till it began making the headlines)... Probably not a big thing. Probably just your usual earthquake which Indonesia and Japan face every once in a while. But for me, this has one specific importance.

The whole of America came together to support this neighbour of theirs. In a world where people of neighbouring countries are more justified if they hate one another, a pre-dominantly white country, stood up for this country with a major black population and helped them just when they (people of Haiti) needed them... Love, people! Learn love! We are fighting here. We hate Pakistan, Israelis hate Palastenians, South Koreans hate North Koreans, Iraq hates America, Germany hates England... Where have we lost the love? Where has the essence of love which The Beatles' lead vocalist, John Lennon, describes in his song 'All We Need Is Love' fade? Can a world live with hatred? Ask yourself...

February, 2010
A  My Name Is Khan poster being vandalised.

Here, I want to refer to a previous post of mine, Beyond The 'Khan'... A post about the face-off of the political party Shiv Sena and Shah Rukh Khan... An event which was broadly highlighted throughout Mumbai. Where the screening of the latter's film, My Name Is Khan, was stalled in parts of the state just because of his comment about allowing Pakistani players play the commercial Indian Premier Leage. Despite the attempts to stall the release of his movie, the determination with which SRK stood on his word, and that he didn't think he had done anything wrong by voicing his opinion to include the excluded players, is indeed remarkable, brave.

When will we get rid of this? Again about love. We always point out to people as from being of a particular caste, origin, state, religion and judge them to be a kind of someone else had been, some other time... Within a metropolitan like Mumbai, why does it even matter who is a person and where he is from till he can earn his own daily bread and butter, on his own legs? I find this discrimination plainly, stupid, idiotic and an attempt to break down the unity this country resides upon. Moving on.

March, 2010
Sachin Tendulkar, in action!

The big buck Indian Premier League begins! A billion viewers watch eight teams, of India's most prominent eight cities battle it out on the field of Twenty-20 cricket... One of the biggest sporting events of the year in India (may be the biggest, too), it had its share controversies, happy moments and sad ones as it proceeded for the next 76 days. The moment where I fell for this event, when I knew this had to make it to the top news list, was whenever Sachin Tendulkar came onto the ground. He silenced the critics who criticized him blaming his age with his 200 not out knock in February, and proved his mettle as a captain, as a batsman, and as a support as he steered Mumbai Indians' way to glory to the finals. The best finish the Mumbai team has had in the three seasons. Hail the Lord of Cricket!

It's this determination, this action, this way of his that leaves people awe-struck. He silences every voice that raises against him with every run he scores on the field, with the brilliance and experience that only he has. As they say, 'Let your work do the talking...'

April, 2010
Eyjafjallajokull after the eruption.

The mountain glacier volcano Eyjafjallajokull erupts in Iceland. The ash-cloud it creates disrupts air traffic from Europe and Asia to America, affecting and leaving tourists, travellers, and businesses stranded through the globe for almost a fortnight.

What does it mean? Nature stands tall, above human beings, and everytime humans try to say that it doesn't, it's easy for nature to showcase it's real capabilities. Enough said, ain't it?

May, 2010
Kasab, 26th November, 2009, CST.

Finally!! Ajmal Kasab trial convicts him guilty of the 26/11 Mumbai carnage... About 18 months later, the lone surviving terrorist responsible for killing over 50 people in cold blood is convicted guilty. Many delays, changes of his lawyers, pressure from the media, etc. etc. and the day when India cheered in harmony, had arrived. That was what it meant for every Indian, or at least, every Mumbaikar.

It resembles hope to me. In a country with over crores of cases, delayed or no justice, and corrupt officials and bureaucracy, the delivery of a verdict in such an important case, in such a short period, surely is very significant! (Not forgetting that it took 15 years for the verdict of the 1993 Mumbai riots case.) Isn't that victorious?

June, 2010
South Africa 2010!

The much-awaited FIFA World Cup, 2010, South Africa! Viva Africa! While the world tuned into K'naan's Wavin' Flag and Shakira's Waka Waka, 32 teams from the globe battled it out at 10 state-of-the-art stadiums of this country which has risen to glory under one man and it's Father, Nelson Mandela, it was a joy to watch. Though the big teams like Argentina, Portugal, England had a dismal exit, the Spaniards took the World Cup home, just as they were expected to. Not to forget the astounding performances by Netherlands (runner-ups) and Uruguay (fourth place), especially Diego Forlan. These were the dark horses of the World Cup.

Again signifying hope and change, this world-class event turned tables for South Africa, and put it on the top of sports through the globe. All thanks to one man, Nelson Mandela, for his never ending efforts to lift the country from where imperialism had left it, in the dungeons.

July, 2010
An Inception poster.

The month of Inception. The most-awaited movie of the year, which went on to top all the all-time best movies charts just as it released, there's no denying that this was one masterpiece from Christopher Nolan. The way Leonardo Di'Caprio acts, the way it has been directed, the story it has, everything is sure to leave a movie-buff in awe as he leaves the movie theatre!

Lots to say about it, little space. In short, it explores the capability of the human mind, more so when it's asleep, and how it can be used to destruct someone by stealing or creating an idea there. A gem of a movie, without a doubt!

August, 2010
Hiroshima, 6th August, 1945.

The 65th anniversary of the Hiroshima and Nagasaki atomic attacks. The two days which the world mourns. The result of which is still seen in every new generation that takes birth in these cities. The small Asian country, situated in one extreme of the world, suffered because of. It was as if Japan had lost everything at that moment in 1945. But they denied to accept loss. And stood up again, as The Land Of The Rising Sun, to grow as the quality suppliers of technology and innovation, as also went on to be only the biggest economy in the world, second to only, the United States Of America.

Their motto, it seems, was to prove to America that they won't bow in front of it. They won't shudder. That they will rise on their own legs, and voila! They did! Shine like the sun, Japan, forever!

September, 2010
Logo and mascot, Shera, of 2010 Common Wealth Games, Delhi

The month of scams. The month when India's poor face was smacked in the global media first because of poorly developed stadia for the Common Wealth Games with less than 30 days to go, and later, with the stories of corruption and its magnitude (as if anyone in India didn't know it had occurred!) rocked, India's face bent down in shame. Though reports had begun coming through since late July, their scale was escalated only now. It was followed by numerous other scams being revealed which led to the Chief Minister of Maharshtra, Minister of Telecom, among other biggies to step-down of their posts.

A perfect time to put down my proposal of a desi-version of WikiLeaks. What else do you need in a country with thousands (or even lakhs) of crores of currency lost in the hands of corrupt officials. This was even my status on one of the social networking website, recently, and one of my friends jovially commented, 'That's surely not possible, truly speaking, there's not enough space for such a huge website on the world wide web!!' Well, that explains the amount of Leaks there would be, and how aware we citizens are! The number of hackers in India aren't few, right? Hit it!

October, 2010
Sania Nehwal with her Common Wealth Games Gold.

Sania Nehwal, India's very own badminton ace, won a gold for India at the Common Wealth Games, 2010, and moved a step upwards towards the top rank in the world rankings. Her winning streak continued with the Guangzhou Asian Games and she became a name of every household through the country for winning the laurels she did, and making India proud.

This is one such event that is an exemplary example of breaking-the-barriers, to-walk-on-the-road-less-taken. Not many people in India would go on to pursue their ambition of being a sportsperson, and even lesser would it be for women. But she, did it. And there she is today, among the top three of the world, waving the Indian flag proudly at almost every Badminton competition of the world...

November, 2010
WikiLeaks, homepage.

WikiLeaks! They simply rock! As I mentioned in September about the need for a WikiLeaks for India, what they have done to America, is unpardonable for the government, and their government is unpardonable for the citizens there, after they came to know about the facts which WikiLeaks revealed. For those who don't know, WikiLeaks is a website dedicated to leaking secret documents of the world. As their motto reads, 'We help you safely get the truth out.' It's one website where people can post whatever they know about the different confidential documents affecting the people, anonymously. It's thus hated by the government United States of America (which is worst hit because of this) and many went on to call its founder Julian Assange, as the cyber Osama Bin Laden!

For someone like me, he's an inspiration to be fearless, to be free, to exercise the right to freedom and information, and help the people and world together, too. That's what Julian Assange has done, he has begun a revolution and proved that people don't want such documents to be a secret, they want to know the truth that affects them! So be it.

December, 2010
Foggy New Delhi airport.

While the world got ready to celebrate Christmas, bid adieu to 2010, and welcome the new year, nature, again, decided to show why it can't be ignored. Temperatures dipped through the globe, with blizzards hitting cities and Mumbai, Delhi, New York experiencing their coldest winters in a long time. The fog at Delhi disrupted air traffic, while blizzard and 20 inches deep snow in New York, froze the city. Effects of global warming, eh?

That leaves me wondering... Where are we heading? The temperature scale reaches new extremes upwards and downwards every year... We won't change our habits, efforts to reduce pollution, global warming, go down the drains... Where are we heading? Surely we aren't heading anywhere in this world. The world won't be a place to live in for much longer if this goes on... Serious amendments are required on our part... Time to open our eyes... Mine are stunned open, no doubt.

So, that's wrapping the year, 2010. Wishing everyone who reads this a very Happy New Year, may it fill your life with happiness, prosperity, and realization of all your dreams and wishes... And for those who don't read this, I don't wish anything different for you all either...

Greetings of the season!


Sunday, December 19, 2010

G For Generation, G For Gap.

Oh well, well. When you probably begin reading this, you would be of the idea, 'What the hell does he think he is writing on? That too on the world wide web?' Brave!

Let me tell you, the first thing, I don't know (I know that's usual that I don't know why I write what I write, even regular readers of my blog may know that) why. It was just something I was thinking about the other night, and I realized, it would be better to just write it down, put it up on the blog, and have everyone to decide what their stand is... So, here it goes...

Generation gap. One of the most disputed, and legit topics. Who doesn't know about it or hasn't seen it? Everyone of us can surely point out the difference... Can see why somethings are done differently... So that's that. But, I always, always (not a typo) fail to understand the reason why people would have difference of opinions just because of the difference in the age group...

I am just going to point out a few reasons that I thought were for this much talked about Generation Gap...

Generations pass, ways of thinking, perceiving, believing change. They indeed do. And as I had written somewhere earlier, it is the state of transition, change, that is the only thing that's permanent... Whatever may be wrong as of today, may not even be close to wrong in the next generation! For example, being out of home, beyond 9 would probably be considered a big deal in the previous generations. But, where we live today, teenagers, like me, would stay out of home, till 12 in the midnight, and still, it wouldn't be a problem as such. Similarly, many more things can be pointed out.

But, what about those where both the generations (namely, parent and child) don't match about their opinions? Whom can it be blamed upon? The fast progress of the child because of what he sees, happens around him? Or the inability of the parents to accept the change in their children? Or something else? What?!?!

I guess none... It is just inter-twined with all of this together and comprising into a result... It may be that over time, they can sort out whatever it is that separates them, but expecting it to be calm within no time, as it pops out for either of them, it's just not being real. It's just imposing our choices on the others. And I guess that probably isn't a sign of a healthy relationship...

Today, stuff like friends, mobile phones, texting, social networking, e-mailing, etc. is in news. Every second teen wants to have more friends on social websites than most of his counterparts, whereas every parent is concerned about online security, reading about cyber-crime every day and getting more worried about their children... Whose fault is it? We would say parents', and if you're a parent, you would probably say ours. Agreed! Blame it on generation gap, best way out *winks*.

But, frankly. It's that kind of a world. To have a big, always expanding friend group, is what that child wants to brag about, he/she wants to be seen, talked about, just like any other sophomore. He doesn't want to go to school and say to his friends that he isn't on a social network just because his parents don't want him too... Either he would be ashamed, or just feel bondaged. Either ways, he won't feel good about it.

(Implications from here on, you = parents, other adults. We, us = your children!)

That's one thing that parents probably need to know... Their child is responsible, that they have grown them up, with the values you imbibed in them, they can take care of themselves and you need to trust them. We read what you read, we see what you see, and in many cases, we have more insight into the real world than you do. We can and do take care of ourselves.

From what I have noticed, the other major reason that is, is comparison. You don't compare what happens today to me, to what used to happen to you 2-3 decades ago! This reminds me of dialogue delivered by Mr. Bhide in Taarak Mehta Ka Oolta Chashma in which he says, "Arre, hamare zamaane mein to hum (Oh, in our times, we used to)..." relating what he used to do as a kid and then, everyone in the frame in that scene, is just finding a way to escape from whatever he wishes to say. It's just that way for us too. Simply put, you can't talk about Graham Bell's first phone when every pocket around you has a mobile phone in it!

Again, you can't even compare a child to another. Every child is special, different (sorry, to just steal the tag-line from Taare Zameen Par)! In his/her own ways... And it's that difference you need to understand... There can't always be a fixed path that a child should follow just because you dreamt about him going that way. If some parents wouldn't have understood that, we wouldn't have had a Sachin Tendulkar, Bill Gates, etc. today! If their parents hadn't let them chase their dreams, they would be just another face in the crowd today, someone you would never even know exists...

The third, and most important point that I wish to make here. Studies isn't the only thing that's important. It may be that it's the only thing you you want from us, but it surely isn't the same for us. There are other things that are important too. And if you can figure out what that is, just understand them, believe in them, that's all you need to do! It's not like reminding us of our dreams 10 times day you can change anything that we do through the day... We may even change it for a day, out of frustration, but then what? We know our dreams, we know where we want to go, we know how, and we even know it's our life and that if someone has to make it, it's us... And that's what you need to know...

You can't talk to me every once in a fortnight, about one sensitive topic, and even say that you understand me... How do you want us to believe it if that's not what we see through your actions? How do we believe that you understand what we feel, go through if your actions suggest the contrary?

Well, here I want to make one thing clear before anyone begins speculating. I haven't had any arguments with either of my parents in the recent past (thankfully!), about anything. It's just that I was thinking about all this the other night, and it made me write this...

Many adults reading this must be up in arms with their replies for everything that I pointed out, ready to say about how biased I have been... And I wouldn't mind that. Probably, being a child, a teenager, it blinds me to look at it from the other perspective, because we're too firm on whatever we think and believe. Just too much. And there's nothing you can actually do about it.

Right now, it's probably the largest generation gap, between two consecutive generations, history has ever seen. Or may be, wider gaps will come by as next generations become real. May be it's the technological advance, openness to ideas, influence of school, friends, etc. that exists now on us, that induces this. But, that's real right? You can't go back in time, educate me then, make me learn the way you want me to live and then bring me back to the present and see me live that way. That's a serious LOL (lots of laugh). And I guess I have made my point here...

It's frightening to wonder about how changed the next generations will be, than measuring the current difference, for me... Well, it just is so...

Until I come up with something else to write about...

Monday, December 6, 2010


There are moments when from within the crowd,
Stands up a person who was once a no-one,
And then he sets out to touch the skies,
Just to come to know as 'Someone'...

I have been there once when I was little,
Stood up and fell down as everyone,
Tried and succeeded, fought and lost,
Never cheated, and in the end, I was 'Someone'...

Until when I had a choice to make,
From wanting to be someone to everyone,
A cynosure, a public figure, may be, even a celebrity,
To being something for the one, everything to 'Someone'...

I chose what pleased my heart,
While the head kept saying number one,
Today the world doesn't remember who I was,
Just because I chose the love of 'Someone'...!


Just another poem... Just a few lines which were destined to be...

Sunday, November 21, 2010

Ethanasia - To Live, Or, Not To Live?

I happened to watch a brilliantly crafted movie today (urgh, yesterday now), Guzaarish, directed by one of the finest directors of Bollywood, Sanjay Leela Bhansali. All I had to say even when the movie was just half-way through was, "This is one bloody awesome movie!" And well, it's the finest movie I have myself ever seen in Bollywood... Stupendous performance from Hrithik Roshan, his best role by far; a simple and sober but momentous role played by Aishwarya Rai Bachchan, as his elegant nurse; a really strong storyline; great supporting roles from Suhel Seth, Shernaz Patel and Aditya Roy Kapoor, among others; brilliantly written dialogues, each conveying something exceptional, each which says something between the lines; mild but joyful chemistry between the leads; all-in-all make this movie a really great one. I even go on to say that I personally think, this movie is better than '3 Idiots' which is considered to be the best as of right now... This is one such movie which makes me believe that there 'are' a few Indians who can make such fantabulous movies which can compete with of the best Hollywood flicks... This one's of that caliber! Undoubtedly.

Won't scratch the outline of the movie here, as I know many of my regular readers (well, those who I know read my blog) haven't seen it yet. Don't want to spoil their fun when they watch it... But yeah, there's one point of the movie, the part from where its title comes that I want to talk about...

Ethan Mascarenhas (Hrithik Roshan) has a desire to let go off his life, after suffering from paralysis and being a quadriplegic for 12 long years, legally, by filing a petition in the court for euthanasia, or in simpler terms, mercy killing. Somehow, suicide, as it is called informally, is one such sensitive topic which has people considering it as a taboo. Probably, in most cases, it is, too. But this isn't about all those cases... This is about those few special ones...!

Running back into time, I had my first acquaintance with this phrase 'mercy killing' way back when I was 13 or 14. I remember one of my history teachers telling me about it and what it meant in one of her lectures. At that very time, and since that very time, I did end up thinking about what relevance it had, about how correct it is as a concept, and stuff... Though, the real catalyst for today's post was this movie where this ideology, desire is bravely displayed and talked about, I can't deny that my past score with this cognizant affair...

The first time we hear about it, I can bet anyone of us has this idea, opinion about it as a completely, blankly ridiculous urge occurring out of a moment of insanity. But (there's always a 'but')...

Imagine this for yourself... Facing a deadly painful disease, disorder and being practically unable to do anything... Living everyday on the basis of someone else... Right from the basic daily-care chores to the complex stuff... Everything! And over it, going through massive amounts of pain and sadness... Feeling uneasy, worthless...

The first reaction that comes by if we actually imagine ourselves in such a situation and then return to sanity is 'Shit!'

There. Just there. It somehow makes sense to me, that death by choice, if the person is mentally stable and sane, should probably be allowed in a few cases. Undoubtedly.

What kind of death would we prefer for our loved ones, passing through such physical or mental trauma? Those for whom we care about?
Option 1: Natural, painful, stretched death. The extrapolated death. Sadness in the eyes of the person who is going to another world, helpless feeling you face, unending distress.
Option 2: Silent death when the person is happy about being around every person who cares about him/her. No pain, no distress.

I know it's not very difficult to decide here. But, when it comes to pragmatically living it, we all, would surely not agree to the second option. Why would we even agree to it? We would lose someone who matters to us, earlier than we would lose otherwise... We would want to believe that some miracle would take place... Something that would change everything, again to normalcy... Even after knowing that miracles occur once in a million and we want to believe that this case is that one in the million...

Human tendency of hope and belief. No denying it at all... But, for one moment, if we selflessly think about what the other person is going through and how legitemate would we be if we forced them to live, despite their will, going through all the pain they do... Barely justified, that we would be...

I don't say that there needs a serious amendment in the Constitution Of India, or the basic humanitarian principles. Neither do I say that death by desire is justified... I just say that there have to be those exceptions, exclusions we need to make and let go... Hoping that our dear one, would be free of the immense misery they are going through... Pretty fair, too, I guess.

There's this one dialogue in the movie which is delivered by Ethan's on-screen mother (Nafisa Ali) which struck the chord of my heart the most (edited), "Whose life is it anyway? This isn't my life, or your life, Mr. Prosecutor, or anyone who is sitting here, neither is it yours, Your Honour, that we can feel the pain Ethan feels. It's his life and no one other than him can feel that pain and thus it's rather 'just' his right to decide."

Simply tells us how our life that exists is just ours, above and before anyone else. That's it. Our life. And so, it's our right to decide, To Live, Or, Not To Live, euthanasia or living, provided, the pre-requisite of the subject being emotionally stable, is satisfied...

Well, that's just my view...

To Live, Or, Not To Live?


P.S.: The title isn't a spelling mistake. Those who have watched the movie will know why it isn't so.

Thursday, November 4, 2010

Lost. II

Life takes us to different places. Some seen, some unseen. Some new, some old. Some happy, some sad. Some adventurous, some pleasant. Some lively, some silent. Some pretentious, some real. Some different, while rest seem just the same...

And through all this, we can't deny the fact, that we all, every once in a while, feel lost. Not knowing where we are, not knowing where to go, not knowing from where we began, not knowing where we will end up, not knowing what will supposedly happen with us, not knowing anything. For that one moment, we feel the darkness completely surround us, take us down, break us apart, tear us to pieces. It may be in the next street, a new town/city, a new locality, an unknown crowd, sometimes, even within yourself.

Whenever anyone says 'Get lost' to me, jovially, I can't help having a smile to myself. Remembering how I felt the last time I actually felt lost. The last time when I felt utterly helpless, for those few milliseconds, the chill through my spine, the agony in my thoughts, the pain in my eyes, the desire to be around someone who is just called ours, who can take us out of there easily, safely.

Even in life, just as in travels and expeditions, we feel lost. Lost within our thoughts, within our own selves. And we are desperate to turn to light, wherever, however we may find it. Stream out of the darkness, move out of the pain, strike through life, get going to our destination. To live the dream, to feel victorious, to feel satiated. But once there, we do, always think about that feeling of lost again, once. And then, just when we want to know how we felt lost, within a moment, our thoughts get diversified, even before we know. We can't make that out. We can't feel the difference of, neither where we have been, nor from where we stemmed up. We may feel this feeling for those minuscule time period, but, that leaves on us a lasting impression that most of the times, which even we fail to realize.

I have indeed been fascinated by this power of the dark, to hold us victimized, slaves, even. Pretty much one of the most powerful things I have ever witnessed. Invariably. It can create wonders, work marvels, turn tables, break barriers, give someone life and what not! But again, it can also create a ruckus. The despair, change the way of life, turn someone evil, contemplate suicide, succumb, tear apart. All of it.

The most compelling kind of darkness is the one within ourselves, that we fail to rise from, incidentally, because we can't ever defeat oneself. It's a one-on-one battle, which never ends, the battle between the good side and bad side of ourselves. The way we are, through what life has made us. Either we find our way through the maze, or we shudder to it's complexities.

Throughout this phase of transition, we feel covered by a layer of uncertainty surrounding us. Somehow feared, afraid of losing. It's that moment when we know what defeat would mean to us and we know we can't afford to lose, for our own good. But some other times, we do lose. To ourselves, and bring in a negative change. Adjust, adapt. Accept it.

While this turns out, we don't really lose hope of standing up once again, do we? The hope and belief to be loved and trusted again. To be able to stand up, soar into the sky, from the hallows, like a phoenix would... Somehow, still, life. It's just the same person who once got wilted in front of defeat. The same person who gave-in to the dark.

Life, existence, living isn't always a sore ride. It pretty much turns better once we tear apart and rise from every thing that holds us behind. Be it the past, relationships, guilt, events, everything. Just when we feel we are ready enough to ditch the dark loss and turn to the bright again. Just then...

We may have to take a few harsh decisions, a few tough steps, take a step backward, halt, ask for help, leave out a few things that we feel are important, just because we want to be where it would mean. In light, where the joy-ride commences. Just there...

Until then, we are all just, lost...

(Reader's note: Less than 24 hours ago, I wrote a poem with the title 'Lost.' and it may surprise you why it comes up as an article here. Well, indeed, as someone pointed it out to me, the poem, didn't make much sense to the reader. It didn't flow well. So, that someone, subtly told me that poetry wasn't my forte, which I indeed agree upon. It was just a few lines that came to my mind which made me write it then. I guess I will stick to paraphrases from next time. But just in case, after reading this, if my poem makes 'some' sense, I would like to be informed. Regards.)

Until next post...

Wednesday, November 3, 2010


Through darkness, into the light,
That's where I long to go,
Within myself, away from the world,
Somewhere beneath, to really know.

Mist surrounds, wherever belief dies,
Heart shatters to feel you cry,
Every moment when you're not around,
Somewhere lost, in each try.

Never been so famished to win before,
Or to look at your eyes so pure,
Thoughts vivid, restless sleep,
Somewhere to find, a sweet encore.

For bringing in life, for feeling the love,
To steal the pain, whatever it cost,
Faith to brighten, all gray specks,
Somewhere in heaven, just to be lost.

Poem number 4. Why, how and every question that may pop into your head is a question for me too. But, still, the show must go on...


Monday, November 1, 2010

When I First Saw You...

When I first saw you,
I never even gave it a thought,
That I could fall for you,
But, to me, happiness was something you brought.

Every moment spent with you,
Brought nothing but satisfaction to me,
Every word spoken by you,
Felt like a new world altogether.

Lonely nights faded into bliss,
Love took over hate and envy,
Ecstasy draped all around the mist,
And I came to terms with joy.

When I first saw you...

The first poem I penned down... Wrote it more than a year back... And the reason it comes up today... Well... Let's just say...

When I First Saw You :)...

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

The Tenet.

There's always this moment, in everyone's lives, which defines everything. Which puts everything we have always wondered about, thought about, pondered about, felt confused about, tormented because of, at ease and in perspective... Everything appears crystal clear from that view point, from that very moment.

That moment, is everything.

The awakening, the revival, the rebirth, the arousing. Different ways in which different people define such a moment. And whenever I see someone who has a 'been-there-done-that' emotion for such a moment, it feels as if they have found their way through every problem that life may ever face them with. It fills in them the strength that they will cross through every predicament, no matter now tough, complicated, compelling it may be. Seems as if they have found an answer for everything they had ever felt confused about. That feeling of satisfaction, the quenched thirst of knowledge and knowing, the moment when the reality of our life turns perfect every moment from then on, I wonder how it actually feels... But what I have end up wondering more, is what gives that moment to someone? How does one end up on that moment which elucidates the real meaning life has for him/her?

Pondering deeper into it, I realized that each one of us has a set of negative emotions inside us. And it's these emotions which shape us into what we are today. They shape our behaviour, actions, beliefs, and even character. Few of these are feeling neglected, lonely, ignored, guilty, lost, worthless, harmed, envious, greedy. A person who has been constantly feeling lonely, might not want to mix up with people, would prefer staying from commitments, would want to venture more into himself rather than the world outside. Whereas, the ones ridden by guilt (like I discussed in my earlier blog Demeanor Of Guilt), might just end up hurting themselves unknowingly by their own actions, and abusing their own self and body as a punishment by taking blame for everything. Those ignored, would be in constant need of being told that you're there for them, that you're not going to abandon them. And I guess, we can relate what every other feeling can drive us to...

But the point I am making here is, the reason such emotions and feelings make things different. What's it really? All of it lies in a single word. Something that eventuates from accumulated feelings, misjudgements, misunderstandings, breached trust, and a million words spoken in anger bringing about the strong belief deep in our sub-concious, a tenet.

Yes. It's one goddamned hypothesis. Stupid, to others, but the most appealing axiom, to the one who has it. And it's never many. It's just one... May be that one has stemmed out into many other feelings, a feeling after the another, and just clogged into the brain. But it all begins and ends at one.

Somehow, each one of us knows that there are these set of emotions making us what we are today. Completely, in some form. May be not in words, or knowing how to describe it, but on the inside, all of us are enlightened enough to justify why we act the way we do. Even if someone points it out to us, we won't accept it, or for that matter get ready to change. Why? We are so firm on what we believe that we wish the reality would blur out itself from around us. Unluckily, it ain't so, ever...

Often defined as arrogance, this is also what stems from a tenet. The inability to accept that someone else too can be correct in those matters where you have a stronghold within your own head. That's just one example of what a tenet can do.

Coming back to the point I made earlier about the moment which kindles the life, and how it comes by... We can and do change things for ourselves. Sometimes knowingly, sometimes unknowingly.

Somewhere, another truth is, that we all wait. Wait for that someone or something which can prove to us that what we think, believe in, accept to be true, is false. It can be a moment, the moment of reckoning; an event, the blurring of the ideology; an opinion, the instigation of a change; a thought, the small flame of a candle in a dark room; a conversation, the shattering of disbeliefs... It can be anything.

And the day we find our real selves, through these, break the shackles we are held in because of emotions, is the day we escape the bondage of The Tenets...!

Until next time...

Friday, October 1, 2010

Sorry, Thank You, Please!

Pretty often have I met new people. And even more often do I hear words that are supposedly 'Golden'. Sorry, Thank You, and Please. And I, without a doubt, fail to understand what's so golden about these so-called Golden words?!

When we meet people, we get to know them. We share, we care, we learn, and within all this, we barely realize when we begin a new relationship. Peculiarly, every relationship we make, is based on different values and has its own importance. Some on trust, some on love, some on knowledge, some on sharing, some on caring, some on kindness... And the list, is endless! But every relationship, and (almost) everyone of us, considers that saying these golden words, is necessary, whenever the need be.

It just doesn't get my head on it as to why should anyone use these words? What really is the significance behind it? And how many times do we really mean them?

Simply said, when we make a mistake, we say 'Sorry' to the people who show that we have hurt them. We don't really apologize to those who hide their hurt just to see us happy. And that's just where we falter!

In the world around us, there are people who want to be 'Thanked', who want to feel gratified, proud too, may be, and most of them, even ask for it. If not in their words, in their actions, behaviour, show, and we are lured to thanking them for whatever little or great deal they do to us, for us. Seems real and even justified, ain't it? Not to me.

And there comes the most useful (sarcasm) word of English language. 'Please'. Even after knowing and using English for 15 years, through school and junior college, I am still not sure what this word really means. A request? An order? A desire? A lie? Or the easiest way to dupe someone? Apparently, all. That makes me wonder about everywhere we use this word. It's so varied and irrelevant, even.

Okay right, I am talking about ideal relationships where I wouldn't have to use these words. But, in my opinion, every relationship is ideal. In its own simple ways.

Why should one be 'Sorry' for a mistake he/she makes in a relationship? Why should the other person apologize? You look into the eyes and you see that the person regrets doing what's done, you talk to the person and you hear the guilt in the voice, you read their words and you feel that the pain has struck their heart. Through all this, you know what the other person means. That's simple to see. In every way, they are just saying, 'I know I made a mistake. But, I won't repeat it. And I will take care and make sure it doesn't. Trust me.' And that's what makes the difference.

Why say 'Thank You' when whatever we do in a relationship is to see the other person happy without expecting of rewards or returns? Why would there be a need to say it if the gesture came straight from the heart, and that's how it normally does? Why not just let it slip by with a sweet smile, and joy in the eyes which express how truly happy you are? Why not just hug them and tell them how lucky you feel to have them in your lives? Why not just hold the moment as if it's cherished? Why spoil the serenity of the beautiful relationship by making the feeling of gratitude a usual and expect-able reaction to whatever they do out of desire to see us happy?

Why to say 'Please' when whatever the person does for us is from the heart? Why to request when we have the right to make them do it? Why to lie when we can should rather be telling them the truth? Why to order or dupe when we can convince? In short, why to just say it to make someone feel better and not worthless? Why be the need to beg? Eyes and words can truly express if it is a real need of the time, moment or not. Isn't that enough for the person to decide whether task's to be done?

We always talk about the relationships being felt, experienced and being informal. But here, by making someone say, or feel the need to say these words, aren't we making them bondaged into saying or doing that we already know, just to satisfy our hearts and egos? Isn't that it? Why to make someone feel superior when relationships can only be shared among equals? Isn't that what we do by giving someone the presents of the golden words? Giving them gold, and raising their worth... Does that even remain a relationship, then?

Again, what I mean by relationship isn't a very successful, long-lasting, one-in-a-million kind of a relationship... Any and every simple relationship beginning from acquaintances to years of friendship, from parent-son to between siblings, from teacher-student to colleagues, doesn't finally have to end there... There can always be the smiles, simple gestures and known truths that can replace the gifts of gold-studded jewellery (read: golden words)! Wouldn't that remove the real burden of relationships from our shoulders? Wouldn't that, in turn, make life easier? I believe, affirmative.

Au revoir!

Saturday, September 11, 2010

You've Got The Power!

Power. That's a big word when you say it to anyone in India. When you say that, you simply mean, you've got enough connections, enough known people, enough people who would be there to save you, if you fell in any sort of trouble.

And the people who can say they are 'powerful' are barely few in India. Courtesy: The ineffective and delayed results from Indian Judicial system, the corrupt Bureaucrats and the extra-irresponsible politicians elected by us to the legislature. And everyone who isn't either of these, sure has a lust for power. To secure himself, to stay away from any sort of problems, issues, hassles.

Frankly, I am of those very few in this country called India who would still not give up their values while fighting for what is right against someone who is powerful. I wouldn't. And I did prove my point, my stand, sometime back when I got into a tiff with someone who had the power to not only spoil my entire academic year but which would also mean my career and life. Still, what I did was what seemed right to me. To stand up against what was wrong, unfair.

And I won't highlight that incident here. That wasn't heroic in any way. It just was what proved to me that I ain't a hypocrite like many others.

I have seen and heard many people say, talk about changing the system (besides the politicians). Very few have actually stood up and made the difference. Have shown the world what they really are and believe in.

You sure do meet people every where who boast about what level of penetration they have in the system. Traffic cops leave people just by the name, their every official work gets done in a few minutes, they can easily skip queues, be treated like VIPs and what not! The list is endless... And who are such people? They surely are not VIPs... They just are individuals who know VIPs. And well, they get the stars studded onto themselves wherever they go...!

Every elder to me, I repeat, every elder whom I have ever talked to about these things, has told me, blatantly, not to dare to mess with those in power. And somehow, it never seemed to impress or convince me. I always was a staunch supporter of my ideals. Was, am and will be.

To live in India is a fight every day, as we all know. We all have had to bow our heads at some time or another and just let the so-called 'system' run in its full might. And every time I do that, see someone doing it, or know that it's happening, I am forced to ask myself... How long?

Dammit, we won our Independence 63 years back... Was it only to be handcuffed into fear and inability? I don't think so...

India has changed, from what it was a decade ago... The acceptance to the wrong has reduced... As far as I know and have met people, there are those who are ready to contribute, make a difference, lead the change, and to give power in the right hands.

Let's face it. Each one of us has the power. The power to act, to raise voice against the wrong, to make the change (in our small ways), to move the blocks in place, and to set things right. But, the question still is, do we?

The simple answer is... We are an afraid, feared, coward lot of people. Yes, I mean these words. Why so? Simply because we all won't stop criticizing what's happening or saying how it should be done, but we won't get in there and go for the change.

Everyone of us knows Barack Obama, the current President of the States. But what's his story? Why did his election campaign have the tag-line 'Change, we need.' The simple reason comes from what he was. Barack Hussein Obama, a graduate from Harvard Law School was a Civil Rights Attorney in Chicago. He saw things were going wrong. He couldn't accept them the way they were going. He thought the things were against humanity, the basic principle which defines us humans, and he lead his own change. The change he wished to see in his country, the United States of America. He went on to be the Senator, and then the first Black President of the country which didn't allow Afro-Americans to vote until 1965. And each and every point of his, about his ideology, has effectively been written down by him in his book, The Audacity Of Hope.

Let me now emphasize on the desi version of the above story. If Barack Obama was an Indian, what would he do? Instead, what do we all do?

He gets a degree from a renowned Law School in of the country (sorry, I don't know law schools). He gets into a Civil Rights attorney. Sets up an office in Mumbai or Delhi. And then he sees, that the cases keep going and going, like forever. He understands minting money from those who need help is easy. Sure he is disappointed with the system, but he lacks enough motivation from within, and from others, to just go around, and take the first step towards the change he desires. He continues his job. Realizes that he can make enough money to live a healthy and sophisticated enough lifestyle. Realizes that he has gotten into knowing the Commissioners of Police, the high-posted politicians, bureaucrats, and has enough of the contacts he needs to build to stay out of trouble. And there he is... Spending his life, accepting that change can never be made in this country! Wouldn't you agree it would be that?

And we all know there can be numerous such examples, not just Barack Obama, for that matter...

It was this man called Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi who when thrown out of the first class compartment in South Africa, despite having a valid ticket, was aroused to bring in freedom for our nation; it was Subhash Chandra Bose's desire to see his motherland free from the might of foreign rulers; it was Bhagat Singh's vision to live in a country where people wouldn't be punished for being who they were, that brought India the independence it had long desired. Only to be given away to another kind of invasion... The invasion that being 'in power' caused.

Yes, this upsets me. Upsets me big time that people who can and should be doing stuff to take the nation to another level while away their lives just to keep earning their bread and butter in the simplest and most satisfying possible ways... Yes, it does upset me.

You've got the power... The power to change... The power to lead the change... The power to be the change...!

You use it or not, that's what you gotta answer to your own conscience. Not me...


Friday, September 3, 2010

Happy Birthday, My Blog!

I still remember that day... I was reading Blogs by Bugs, the blog of one of my dearest friends, Bhavin Shah, that fateful afternoon... And suddenly, a thought, a wish, a desire ran through me... I wanted to have my own blog!

And so here I am... With my own blog, and almost 50-odd regular followers... That's Setu's Blog today!

When I wrote my first blog, way back on 3rd September, 2009, I wasn't sure what blogging was all about. The only thing I knew was, I wanted to have a medium through which I could take my thoughts, opinions and ideology, to the world. I was (and still am) an amateur writer. A teenager who just had gotten out of school, and all he wrote there was 300-word essays on imposed topics! That was a time I couldn't be creative... Whatever I write, even today, is raw, unpolished stuff in my opinion... But, that's just me...

I didn't know much about how to write, what to write etc. I just knew, I wanted to write... Whatever I felt... Whatever I believed in... Whatever I thought... Whatever I knew... And with every new blog, I kept learning. To write, to express, to speak, to accept, and to try and get better...

When I began this blog, I had hoped I would reach some 100 blogposts until the first year... (I had a crazy frequency of 8 posts a month for the first month!) Later on, time and resource restrained me and the numbers went down... I compromised to 50... And today, I stand at this being my blogpost number 39... Couldn't even complete 40! But that doesn't deter me... Because whenever I sit down to write a new post, I know what I have to write... I know what I feel about the topic... And I know how to express myself the best to my abilities... And so, beyond a point, these numbers don't matter to me... Because I know whatever little I write, however infrequent I am, I will try my best to do justice to that topic...

Every time I decide to write about a subject, thoughts begin to form in my mind about what to write, the whole post, etc. until I actually begin writing... And what amuses me is the fact that no post turns out the way think about it... I don't ever write it the way I have thought before... It just turns out completely new, different... And I just seem to like it even more...

With every blogpost I wrote, I had comments pouring in, on the blog, on Facebook, on tweets, on e-mails, etc. And all of them just made me feel better about what I wrote... They all encouraged me to keep writing... And the most encouraging moment was when one of my posts was published in a magazine! Well, that can actually boost you like anything... I actually began believing that I did write some what good after that day...

If you follow other blogs, you may know that blogging is a wide arena. Some people blog about their opinions about the headlines of the day, some are dedicated to specific categories, some are just photo-blogs, and some even say about the schedule of the day and the few things they learnt that day... I still am trying to figure out what I write about... Because I have always written anything and everything... Ranging from the reviews of books and movies, my interest in muzik (it isn't a typo, I prefer it that way), astronomy, literature, festivals, my opinions during some major contorversy of the time, my idea about some confused facts, etc., etc.... The list is unending. Quiet frankly, all of the topics actually popped out to me out of the blue... I never went searching for a topic, in the true sense... It always was like when I saw, felt or heard about something and I went, "Hey! I want to write a post on that!" And I just did it...

There are these two important people in my life whom I have to mention here... Because of their support, trust, faith, guidance and help, I am what I am today... And they are Divya Desai, my best friend, and Bhavin Shah, my mentor... This blog is theirs as much as it is mine... Because if not for either of them, my writing dream would have been incomplete today...

Some people ask me how has blogging changed me, my life? It's simple... I found a hobby, a mouth-piece... It's something that has shaped me into myself, carved my personality... Today people know me as Setu, even though I don't have a big fan-following. It has helped me know my forte... And it's something I can proudly call my own...!

And the success with my blog was the main reason I actually began writing my maiden novel, The Girl. Well, as of now, it is in a nascent stage, but still, that's the plant I want to nourish...

It has been a long way in the last one year... And will be a longer way henceforth... But I am sure I will make it through... Because my thoughts will never stop... And hopefully neither my writing...!


Saturday, August 14, 2010

The Dream Called 'India'...

"At the stroke of the midnight hour, when the world sleeps, India will awake to life and freedom...!"

This line in particular, from the speech of the first Prime Minister of independent India, better known to me as Chacha Nehru, on the eve of the Independence Day, rings in my ears every time I think about my mother-land India's Independence Day...

We take on the 64th year... A million challenges ahead of us... A million goals... A million benchmarks to be set... A millions paths to be paved... A million years of tradition to be preserved... A million traditions to uphold... And a billion voices to be heard... That's India...!

When the fight for independence first began in the year 1857 with Mangal Pandey and his supporters, who would have thought that the India would be like it is today? Even those who were a part of the 1947 victory wouldn't have, I believe.

I wonder at times what really was the dream called 'India'? What 'India' did those who helped us get freedom and independence wish for? How did they look at India one decade into the 21st Century? Where did it stand according to their vision? Where was it heading from there?

They would have dreamt of an India devoid of the political instability that it has faced for centuries... And yes, we achieved it... But not the maturity or will among most politicians to do something for the nation that they would be proud about themselves...

They would have dreamt of an India where life would be simpler, easier... Where the problems of yester-years like slavery, casteism, racial discrimination wouldn't stand a ground... Yes it is easier, simpler... And has even lost much of the casteism that once prevailed... But only to be replaced by territorial breakdown of the country... Where people would be criticized just because of the region their ancestors settled in, during their early days... That there would be communal disharmony, throughout the nation, just because of the formation of states, which were made to make governance easy...

They would have dreamt of an India where education would be the back-bone... And there is work going on in that direction, thankfully! There are bills passed, acts being made... But the standard of education, the burden of education, the way education is seen, the condition in which schools throughout the country are, the equipment, staff, knowledge they can provide... All of them seem far from satisfactory. And sometimes I feel, that it wouldn't really matter if they had made only a few schools, but at least made them in complete, without these flaws...

They would have dreamt of an India that which would be of the leading developing nations... The one that would constantly strive onto making progress, earning from high exports, high on foreign trade, that would give the world a hope of a super-power in the making... And yes we are there... Only the fourth nation in the world to surpass the Gross Domestic Product (G.D.P.) of a trillion U.S. dollars. But, are we actually rich? With more than 40% of population under the poverty line, can we call ourselves as a nation close to becoming a super-power? Is the money being actually being used for the nation? With European Banks claiming to have deposits of over a billion crores with them, from India, aren't we fraudulent?

They would have dreamt of an India where justice would be the foremost... We have so many courts... So many lawyers, judges... A complete Constitution... Justice too, in a few cases, even if it is delayed... But what about those 20 million and more cases pending? Where is the justice? Why aren't people at fault afraid of committing crimes? Why are they just not bothered about being convicted under the court of law? And those with power, misuse it to their benefit because no one can ask them anything, no one can object them... Inefficient judiciary... Need I say more?

They would have dreamt of an India where media would be responsible, vigilant, diligent... And yes it is... There are numerous news channels in India... All running high on TRPs... But what do most news channels give us except adding to the 'masala'? Where's the real news? And those who get us the real news, are soon attracted to the newer issues, and the issues of the past just keep deepening...

They would have dreamt of an India which would be well advanced in communication, where telephones and tars available at almost every household (that was the only thing then!)... Wouldn't have even thought about fax or mobile phones, leave alone the internet! And yes, we have come a long way... As of now, India has the largest mobile phone access in the world, almost 5% of the country with broadband service, telephones in almost every house... But the development of ours compared to the rest of the world is actually very poor... The average internet speed of India is a mere 772 kb/s which is less than half of the world's average internet speed (1.5 mb/s)... India ranks 115th in the world when it comes to this aspect. Also, while the world gets ready to face 4G technology for mobile phones, India still struggles to get 3G implemented.

They would have dreamt of an India where transport and infrastructure would be something every Indian can boast about... Lots of connectivity, rail and road networks, major projects, etc... Yes we have the deepest connectivity when it comes to roads and railways... We also have engineering and infrastructural marvels... But still, we don't have the best technology to run them... We still are running trains that would operate on electricity, while the world operates Mag-Lev (magnetically elevated) trains to reduce travel time. Our infrastructure is completely in shambles... And as a joke on it goes, we sometimes fail to understand if the hole is in the road or the road is in the hole...! Just because, none of these projects are completed on time and the whole region is affected by traffic, congestion and other issues.

They would have dreamt of an India which would be competing with the best in the world when it comes to science, space and sports... Indian space discoveries make us proud... When Indian Cricket Team, Saina Nehwal (badminton), Narain Karthikeyan (international circuit racing), Mahesh Bhupati (tennis), Leander Paes (tennis), Baichung Bhutia (football) do well, we get happy... While I believe no substantial discovery from India has been made in the field of science in the last 6 decades (correct me if I am wrong), India's space mission is far from that of the rest of the world... While the United States plans to colonize the lunar surface, India dreams of stepping foot on it... While the Americans and Chinese take minimum a medal in each field of sports, India struggles to get a total of 3 in the Olympics!

They would have dreamt of an India free from evils of corruption... And well this is something where we have probably not achieved anything substantial... Rather, I wonder how wrong would I be if I said we have achieved 'nothing'! Most of us ourselves pay bribes to get our work done, to get loose, to bend the system in our way... And end up saying 'Sab karte hain... Hum kyun nahi? (Everyone does it... Then why not me?)' And most of these are people who comment on the credibility of officials and politicians... Do we really have a right to say a word about them when we ourselves support and entertain corruption?

They would have dreamt of an India where every new generation would be proud to live... To call it their own... Their mother-land... And yes, we have that... We have each and every small child shouting 'Jai Hind! (Hail India!)'. We have them pinning a small flag of India on their clothes on days like today and insisting to get themselves an Indian flag... But the older generations are far from proud... They even pity themselves to be here and not to have flee the country if they have had their opportunities in the past...

There are problems which have been suppressed over time... And that has led to their deepening like that of a cavity... But along with them, the newer ones come to life... And the pile just keeps increasing to touch new heights... And no one even would try to shake the strong base so that all the problems end in the shortest possible time... No one would even try to remove the problems one at a time... And yes, it is so... We have to face it. Bitterly, sadly, but that's the plain reality.

Freedom... Independence... Responsibilities... All these three words are so synonymous and together going... And probably, we haven't been able to fulfill any of them...

We, as a nation, have proven to the world that we have surpassed every dream that we were faced with... Better than expected, in most cases, even. But, along with that, we have forgotten what really was ours... Our tradition, values, and virtues. We have lost our individuality. We have given up on quality while vying for quantity... We have over-looked what seemed like minor problems only to see them widen their reach, with time... That's what we have done... Already...

The world sees us as a nation that has lost it's might... That lives on hyped hopes... That has core problems which are barely even talked about... That is afraid of facing the reality...

There are those I know, who say 'Aisa hota hai... Aur aisa hi hota rahega... (It has been happening like this... And it will go on...)' And probably, that's the voice of the masses... The disappointment of the people... But I think these are just cynics who are afraid that they will have a tough time adapting to the new systems as and when they change... And as the popular dialogue from the movie Rang De Basanti goes 'Koi desh perfect nahi hota... Use perfect banana padta hai... (No country is perfect... It has to be carved to perfection...)', it keeps me in hope that things can change, will change... Because finally, at the end of the day, change is what we need...

All said and done, I myself don't see anything the way it prevails... I see it better than the best... The dreams of India are still redeemed in my eyes... Because every time in history when India was pitied upon, India proved it to the world what it really is... And what India can do... It just needs that one jolt, one awakening and then we have our tryst with The Dream Called 'India'...!

Monday, July 26, 2010

Dreams - The Reality...

Two of the most antithetic, contradictory words... Dreams and reality. And when I use them together in the title, that's sure to attract a few raised eyebrows...

One of them talks about the reality we want, and the other is a picture of the reality that exists... Both, paradoxical to each other.

But yes, I am still talking sane. The reality of the dreams, or, the dreams of the reality... The way you put it, is how you would perceive it.

One of the most fascinating topics for me, has always been the occurrence of dreams, the reasons behind them, the connections they have to reality... And may be that's the reason, dreams are the real game-benders in my to-be-maiden-novel 'The Girl'.

Even so, I have been on a constant look-out for reasoning as to where, how, which and when do dreams affect us. It's really a very faint and vivid memory that we have most of the times, but, the effects are drastic. That's disturbing, at times.

I have always been someone who looks out for information... And when I realized that Inception was one such movie which would offer me help on this subject, I couldn't hold myself to watch it at the earliest! The presence of Leonardo DiCaprio, Christopher Nolan's direction and the hype created around this big budget flick were other stimulants which made me watch the movie at the first opportunity I got.

I won't review the movie here. The reviews are available from various people in the international film fraternity in every nook and corner of the web... But, here I wish to talk about what I felt, how I can relate to it and what I think about it...

The first and foremost that comes to my mind, is a simple fact that has been highlighted even in the movie. The beginning of any dream is something you never remember... A fact, observed. We may still remember the middle parts and the end of the dream, but, how we landed there, how it all began, is the craziest mystery...

Again, where the story actually begins. Extraction. It's just like stealing... An idea, a thought, a memory process. That's all about just stealing. And still, not knowing that it's already lost! And to my knowledge, that happens in real life too. May be not through forceful dream sharing and sedatives, but, by the simple wish and desire to let someone know something, but being reluctant to tell them ourselves... This does happen...

And then finally comes the art of Inception! Don't we sow the seeds and ideas in our own heads? Deep into our past, somewhere, some thought, some idea, some realization has lead us to what we are today... Every action, every part of the behaviour we demonstrate, every series of thoughts, everything just doesn't stem up from nowhere... It has a reason. And that reason is from our very own Inception to our own subconscious. Somewhere, someday... And this is not something that I am saying out of the blue... I can see that those thoughts which came to me when I was ten or twelve, those dreams, their effects. Those are what have made me 'me' today.

It's an addiction. Once you begin dreaming, thinking, convincing yourself, you end up doing it again and again, even without knowing that you are doing it! That's the Inception of out lives...!

Pretty much into the movie, all of us do doubt the existence of reality or being in a dream... I doubt the reality of this world that's so-called 'ours'. Our civilization (which is no more civilized, painfully). Is it possible that we are actually just sharing a dream of this world? That we really exist somewhere else and live here? That we are just the projections or we are sharing the dream of someone superior, who is the play-maker? That there is someone who has designed and planned it all? That these years that we spend here, would seem like minutes when we get back there? That when we die, we wouldn't end up really dying, but just waking up? That when we are dreaming (not day-dreaming), that's just a dream within a dream? Or even multiple layers of dreams? That this probably isn't the real world? That the real world is free from the pain, sadness and all negative emotions that are just 'projected' out here? That this is just to teach us how we should live like humans when we wake up in the world we can then make for ourselves? Is this for our enlightenment? To open our eyes to what would happen do if we spoilt our real world like this? Is it so?

This is something that I am desperately, inquisitively wanting to know...

Do tell me if you find the answer!

Sie sehen!

Friday, July 16, 2010

Demeanor Of Guilt

Warning: I am not sure why I am writing this... But I am sure this one comes as a surprise to everyone, just as it does to me...

Guilt... Such a strange word... A broad meaning... Different applications... Wide usage... But, the underlying feature of all forms of them, is still just the same... Pain, regret, hurt... And after the guilt ride's over, things are never the same as they were before... Guess that's the reason each one of us, runs away from this word forgetting that it will collide with us, in some form or other, at some stage of our life...

This is the strange relation of guilt with our lives. Everyone of us does make that one mistake for which we consider ourselves unforgivable. How much ever we try to pacify ourselves, our loved ones try to convince us, all the efforts end up in vain as the guilt resurfaces sooner or later... But, in most cases, sooner than later.

That's how we are. And for those lucky ones, there are more than one such inexcusable parts of our lives...

For some, guilt is a part and parcel of life... For some, it is a way of living... And for the rest of us, it's something that 'was' a part of our life. Those who have learnt from their mistakes, and moved over their guilts. They appear to have. But somewhere deep inside, they still lament over what has happened. What it effect... What changes life made to them... Where they are today because of that one moment, second, minute or day... Where they would have been...

But it isn't as it may seem. Guilt is a feeling that's far more complex than just regretting and knowing it's wrong... Guilt is a feeling that is far more obscure... Guilt is something that can destroy, and does destroy relations... But it also builds new ones on the foundation of trust and understanding. Those which are built by walking on the glass guilt spreads on their way... Guilt is something that changes the way we are, we look at things. Sometimes, it works for our better... Sometimes it doesn't. And it's just these few people in our lives, our relationships with whom cross the challenge of guilt, who can make it all fine for us. Who can help us make believe that everything is fine... That life is better without that phase of guilt...

Acceptance of being wrong is rare. And even rare is the ability to cope with the fact that we were wrong. I guess that's the reason, that's the place where ego and guilt coincide to form this reality of their co-existence...

Pain, regret, loss, running away from reality... What all can guilt do to us! It's sometimes compelling for me (and probably many of us) to just let our heads drift into an unknown world... The world where we are free of our guilts... Our mistakes... Our pains... The so-called 'ideal world'... And strangely, it isn't as much a joy ride as it may seem. Because finally, we have accepted our lives to be such. Filled with guilt, pleasurable in the pain, and drowned within regrets... That's how we see ourselves...

Probably that's even how we wish we would die. We can't see ourselves as a burden to others. May be, their being compelled to being around us is something that even they don't wish to do... And when we realize this fact, life gets tougher...

Guilt, I believe is the prime reason for broken relationships, shattered dreams, torn families, for those rags-to-riches-to-rags stories, for suicides, for every tear that you shed when you see your loved ones in pain because of you, for every fake smile you put up so that someone would believe in it and smile for themselves, for those lost hopes, for those burnt memories, for those who lead a life searching for their reason and motive in life, for those who end up making a mess of their life just because they couldn't hold themselves in that one moment, for those who are left alone, for those who live alone and for those who die alone...

We aren't perfect... We make mistakes... We fall, we falter... And stand up, we do... At least, some of us do... While the rest remain, Deameanors Of Guilt...!

Thursday, July 8, 2010

Broken Solitude...

When I look at the moon,
In the glittering sky,
Between the twinkling stars,
I can hear its lonely cry.

When I look at the sun,
In full glow,
I can feel the heat,
But with it the tears flow.

That's how life is,
Slow and brute,
Awake but existing,
Through every feud.

Some trust lost,
A heart broken,
Within those few moments,
Our life was shaken.

Fear is no where,
Neither is life,
The reasons for dreaming,
Die with that cry.

Hands to hold,
People to talk,
That's what's gone,
And in came, the lone walk.

A short distance,
That now seems long,
Without you,
Everything seems wrong.

Fear kills the body,
Love heals the soul,
Asperous is life,
Not at all devoré.

I inhibit guilt,
Dare to live,
To face this loneliness,

I am still not brave.

Still not tired,
Will be waiting,
For your return,
My heart's beating.

Hope still survives,
Trust keeps alive,
But in the end,
This is my broken solitude...


My third poem... A clear expression of the state I'm in...

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

As I Wait For You...

Under the scorching sun,
As I wait for you,
With a broken heart,
That still beats for you.

I look into the crowd,
For a known face.
And in the mirror,
To see my own disgrace.

And all I find wherever I go,
Is just you and your memories lost.
Every moment, every memory,
That's all that's left in me.

Tears have dried,
The laugh has faded.
In a monotone of black,
Life has evaded.

Never had I thought,
I would be so involved.
Never had I believed,
That even I could grieve.

And losing you has brought,
Nothing to me.
Pleasure in pain,
Is all that remains.

With you,
Without you,
I remember how it feels,
To be around you.

And still your face,
Captured in my closed eyes.
Every night,
That's just alone to be.

In the wake of every dawn,
I hope to see you.
At the break of every day,
I close my eyes to feel you.

Seasons change,
From autumn to rain.
But colours in my life,
Still remain the same.

Rain swept the colours of life,
In a jiffy, that we painted in smiles.
And there's no horizon or rainbow,
Neither a bed to cater to the wounded me.

Am tired of disguise,
Tired of this game.
Where all I have to do,
Is be in the frame.

I want to shout and fumble,
Be myself.
But even that I can't,
Because I was myself with just you.

I still don't repent,
Nor do I torment.
I won't cry if this is how,
Destiny is ought to be.

Pain seems unending,
Life seems a standstill.
And the distance seems killing,
As I Wait For You...

This is my second attempt at poetry... Just something I wrote... Just something I felt...

Wednesday, June 9, 2010


Everyday... Every hour... Every minute... Every second... We feel a long string of emotions. Like, a small incident, a little change, and the emotions we feel, turn out to be completely different from the ones a few moments back... They change by a major!

Sometimes I love to think... Was life simpler when we were younger? Like the pre-teens and when double digit ages had just begun? And, yes... Life was easier... The reason I can cite is simple. The emotions we feel, the reasons that change and affect our emotions were few. There were just two simple words to describe emotions... Happiness or sadness.

Simply said... Simply understood, even...

And today? Life changed within these almost four years after getting into the teens... May be even this is a process of growing up. And if it's so, those elder to me, must be facing even more a deal managing their emotions!

The simple happiness, the expressions of joy, just got so many names and expressions... Happiness, joy, gay, grin, smile, laughter, wink, curved-up smile, excitement... Sadness has changed to just being plain sad, pained, hurt, glum, tired, broken, troubled, tormented... And then there are those emotions which fall in neither and are very new to us... Indifferent, guilt, anger, pale face, straight face, confusion... And the list is endless...

Just so many different emotions and feelings!

And the reason we can feel so many things together, is surely our maturity. I still remember the time in my fourth and fifth grades... When I used to sit quietly when I was sad and was never able to figure out what was the reason for that mood... At least today I know what is the reason... Why I feel what I feel...

Most of the emotions are strange... Peculiar... Sometimes, even felt for the first time... But, we soon find a word to describe it perfectly (courtesy: the wide vocabulary of English language, my preferred medium)...

Again... Mood changes... Swings by... And mood-swings during teenage are a common affair according to my knowledge, my experience.

Things don't seem as easy as they are... Life seems difficult... Emotions seem unmanageable... In the end, all of it is taken care of by time...

Keeping a tab of these is the most tiring of it all. There are those friends of ours who help us when we need them, and just are with us otherwise, to share our happiness... These actually are those who 'feel' our emotions...

They say emotions travel in vibrations... According to what I have found, it's true... If you are really close to a person, you would know when the person is sad... Unhappy... In need... In pain... And even when the person is happy...

Miracle? Magic? Co-incidence? Guess? Fluke? I don't know... I believe it's all just... Emotions...


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